i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
