If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
