I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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