You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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