I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
