that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize