He had one of those small greek statue penises
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
