he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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