Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
