franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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