physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
