do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
