I wish life had little blips of pornography
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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