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You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I party with great urgency now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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