Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
