i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize