Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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