I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just puked most of my soul out..
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