At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
