P.S. I can't hear my feet
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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