So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
