Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
