I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize