First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
