And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
