no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
