dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
