I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
