4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
