I don't think brook has ever known best
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
