you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
