You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
