Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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