Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
