do herpes really smell.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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