I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just high enough for therapy.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
