Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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