when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
