I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
