I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
