Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
