i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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