I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
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I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
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I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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