is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
