If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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