I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
