I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
