Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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