god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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