As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
