My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
