Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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