Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
