dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
