I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
