i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
