Will you blow on my dice?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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