Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
