it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My ATM looks so different sober.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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