Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
