sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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