I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
