I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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