The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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