There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
