I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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