you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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