I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
