You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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