shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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