At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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