he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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