if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
