Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
