Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I need to sanitize my soul.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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