Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
How naked do you want me to be?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
