Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Can Purell be used as lube?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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