And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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