roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
