I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
