She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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