Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
