Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
