It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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