i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
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I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
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Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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