I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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