i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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